letsgocheckoutpandora:

cloysterbell:

Sometimes I catch myself crying over fanfiction about two fictional characters at 3:37 in the morning and I start to wonder where my life went horribly wrong.

100 Facts About This Bitch (#26 - Phrases I Live By)

Fact About Me:

• 26. There are various phrases I try to live my life by. So, I thought I’d share them. [Direct your sails under a new wind. Understand that people in this world are going to stay on their paths, regardless of how false the paths are. I cannot control others. I cannot adjust their routes, but I can change mine. I’d rather not stay on the same path: Career, Marriage, Motherhood, Retirement, Death. I’ll take my ship to different shores.] [Broken can be beautiful. Life is a broken, beautiful mess. It’s often seen through others’ eyes in various ways. I’ve gone through life with broken pieces that will never truly fit into the puzzle. But, they’re all beautiful pieces.] [Try everything once. Just do it. Because a life of regrets is a huge nightmare for me. Something that I’ll never ever do. I’ve asked out the “it” boy, dated a drug addict, failed class, got the shit kicked out of me, beat up a guy and a girl (different days), been completely shit-faced, had sex, ate some weird things. My life will not be one of regrets.] [Be happy. Probably the hardest task in all of this. But, I am. I’m beyond blessed. Even with my faults. There are people in my life that make this task difficult, but fuck them. I’ll always trying to be happy.]

100 Facts About This Bitch (#25 - Gratuitous Use of Social Networking Sites)

Fact About Me:

• 25. Sure, we’re all guilty of it. It’s something we indulge in on a daily basis. Spilling our hearts to Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr… Regardless of where we are, we have this overwhelming desire to share everything. Here’s a note for everyone out there: NO ONE FUCKING CARES. No, seriously. No one gives two fucking hoots what you had for lunch or who you’re hanging out with. I hate myself all the time for my over-abundant use of the various social networking sites. I do it. Oh fuck yes do I. I’m the worst. But, I don’t go to Facebook with my feels: “Oh, my boyfriend says he likes me but his friends treat me like shit.” - “Fuck the police.” - “My job blows and no one cares because all I do is whine!” Can we please talk for two fucking seconds about how much people are indulging in these sites? It’s not your fucking therapist. YES! I need to learn a lesson as well. So, shut the fuck up, strap the fuck in, and hold on. 

100 Facts About This Bitch (#24 - Passive Aggressive)

Fact About Me:

• 24. I fucking hate it when people are passive aggressive with me. I don’t care if you disagree, disapprove, or just don’t like me. Don’t fucking be passive aggressive. It’s a bunch of bullshit. If you can’t come out and say it straight up, then don’t fucking say it at all. I won’t beat around the bush with people. I don’t see any point in it. Fucking passive aggressive bullshit pisses me off almost as much as stupid people make me cry. Fuck.

100 Facts About This Bitch (#23 - Fucking With My Shit)

Fact About Me:

• 23. I fucking hate with an out right passion when someone comes into my room (regardless of where said room is, mom’s - gma’s - my apartment) and touches my shit! DON’T FUCKING DO THIS IF YOU WANT TO LIVE. Mostly it’s my cousins that do it… They like to get into my perfume, my make up… Gah. I could seriously post four hundred times about how violated and fucking annoyed this makes me feel. If the person who’s room you want to enter isn’t there… DON’T GO THE FUCK IN. It’s rude.

100 Facts About This Bitch (#22 - Wedding)

Fact About Me:

100 Facts About This Bitch (#21 - Truth Behind My Lies)

Fact About Me:

• 21. I lie. A lot, actually. But, it’s never to my friends, family, or anything like that. I lie to myself. All the time, it’s almost never ending. Because in every one of my lies… There’s a grain of truth. 

100 Facts About This Bitch (#20 - The Georgian)

Fact About Me:

• 20. Jason. I adore him. I can’t say “love” because love requires something more than what we have. How we met… World of Warcraft. A friend was running me through a dungeon and then he showed up to help. I found him funny and charming right away. We chatted for a couple of weeks before exchanging emails so that we could talk more often. About two months later, we exchanged phone numbers. He has the most amazing drawl I’ve ever heard. It’s… There just are no words. Well, we talked all the time, then he decided to come out here when our other friends from WoW came and visited. It was probably one of the most amazing weeks of my life. He’s just as funny, charming, intelligent on the phone as he is in real life. I’m going to Georgia sometime in 2012 to see him on his turf. He knows I adore him. And he’s told my best friend that he adores me. But, I can’t take this shot. Because a shot with him means true love and happiness and all that bullshit. I’m not that girl. I don’t deserve to get the happily ever after. Typically, I’m going after guys who are either emotionally unavailable or just plain assholes. He’s neither. Sweet, considerate… Loving. I’m scared out of my mind because I know that I’m falling in love with him and he deserves someone better.

100 Facts About This Bitch (#19 - Will)

Fact About Me:

• 19. The very infamous Will. Where do I even begin? I don’t know if I can actually do this fact or not. It makes me physically ill to think about. Uhm. Well, Will is… He was one of my very best friends when I lived in Boise. I adored him, thought he was amazing. He could always make me laugh, brighten my day… I loved him. But, not romantically. No, Will and I had this amazing platonic bond. We’d spend hours laughing at each other in the park or having amazing kick ass rock band battles in his room. Then… It changed.                                                                                      -So, back to finish this… Since, I went to Boise this week and things have been explained to me. I’m not bitter, I’m not upset. I was done and just complete ruined. I had to ask him what happened. I did it with tears in my eyes and my sobs interrupting my sentences. Will explained himself and promised (I swear if he goes back on this… I’ll fucking kill him) that he’d talk to me. He just let me sob and cuddle against him while I told him that losing him was like losing an arm. I could live without it, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to have him back in my life. He kissed my forehead, rubbed my back, and just let me sob. I love that kid… But, goddamnit… I can’t do this again. I won’t. So, for now… Things are patched. But, its a strained and rough. The bridge was burned, but it’s still got some ropes to build upon.

I can’t do this… I’ll try and finish it later.

100 Facts About This Bitch (#18 - Slytherin)

Facts about me:

• 18. Slytherin is my House. No joke. My grandma, who is one of the most die hard Harry Potter fans I know, and I have had lengthy discussions about which house we’d be in and why. My gma is most definitely a Ravenclaw. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you want to talk to someone who is the literal definition of what Ravenclaw is… Meet my gma. I’m a female!Draco Malfoy. Only, instead of the overbearing, pushy father… Its my mother.

100 Facts About This Bitch (#17 - Broken)

Fact About Me:

• 17. Broken Can Be Beautiful. That is my motto for life. I’m a broken, sad, and completely beautiful mess. The Beatles helped me learn this fact… Blackbird, take these broken wings and learn to fly. 
  

100 Facts About This Bitch (#16 - Marilyn)

Fact About Me:

• 16. Marilyn Monroe is my “spirit animal”. I idolize her on such a level that at times it hurts. She had her flaws and faults, but she never hid them away or tried to down play them. Marilyn was curvy and gorgeous, never settling for just being the iconic sex figure. She wrote poetry, read tons of books, and was never the dumb blonde people made her out to be. There is so much about her that relates to my own life. And I’m not just talking about the Marilyn everyone saw in the limelight. I’m also talking about Norma Jean, the girl behind the icon. “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” Everyone will always love Marilyn.

100 Facts About This Bitch (#15 - Rape)

Fact About Me:

• 15. I am the product of a rape. This fact was never hidden from me as I was growing up. Its something I’ve always known and my future kids will know. I see nothing wrong about this. My mom was raped at sixteen and had me when she was seventeen years old. She was a military brat: my grandfather was an alcoholic and my grandma had two other kids (my uncle who was 15 and my aunt who was 13). In Germany, the drinking age is sixteen for beer and wine, so my mom hung out with her friends at bars and in clubs. After one particular night, she was walking back to the base when she was hit over the head, raped, and hidden in a back alley. When she came to, she knew what had happened. My mother hid it from my grandparents until she missed her period and had to break down and tell my grandma that she might be pregnant. My grandma stood with her every step of the way. There was never any judgement from my grandma. So, once I was born… It only seemed obvious that I was to be given up for adoption. I spent six weeks in Military Foster Care. My mom was seventeen, a high school senior, and living in a foreign country… How could she be a mom? My first cries were heard by someone else, my first bottle was fed to me by someone else, my first everything… It was handled by someone else. My mom couldn’t handle it. She broke down and begged my grandma to go with her to pick me up from foster care and to help her raise her daughter. So, I was brought home from foster care and that’s that. My mom and I don’t know who my biological father is… We’re not certain what race he is, if he is in the military, if he’s alive or dead. But, none of that matters to me. I’ve never wanted a dad, I have my mom and my grandma. My mom is the best “dad” anyone could ever ask for and my grandma is my second mom.

100 Facts About This Bitch (#14 - Religion)

Fact About Me:

• 14. Religion. I honestly don’t know if I have one anymore. I was born and raised a non-denominational Christian… But, that’s not really who I am. I haven’t gone to a church service in four years. Except last Christmas Mass with my mom at her Catholic church. So, let me rephrase. I haven’t gone to church for me and my soul in a really long ass time. I don’t think that religion denotes having morals. I know plenty of atheists who are more morally straight than I am. And I’m not… Atheist, that is. Not that there’s anything wrong with being one. I just can’t handle that kind of pressure. I believe in God. Whether it be a Christian God or an Egyptian one. I kinda think he’s all the same person that people pray to and worship. I believe in Karma and the fact that that bitch will come back and hit you ten-fold if you do her wrong. I believe that everything has some kind of essence, an energy, that connects the whole world. When I say everything, I mean, everything. Trees, rocks, squirrels, people, birds, fish, air, sky, fire, earth. I’m not sure what I am and I’m okay with that… I think.

100 Facts About This Bitch (#13 - Smile)

Fact About Me:

• 13. I usually never smile straight or dead on. Its always crooked or a funny face. Its a self-esteem issue. When people tell you day in and day out that you’re not beautiful and all they can see is your weight or your faults… You just find a new way to be beautiful. And my crooked, funny, fucked up smile is beautiful to me.